


Letters To Kash

by orphan_account



Category: Akasha - Fandom, Blackstones, Kashi - Fandom, Nana, ai yazawa, nana komatsu, nana osaki, naoki - Fandom, nobu - Fandom, reira, ren honjo, shinichi - Fandom, takumi - Fandom, あかしゃ, かし, なな, ななおさき
Genre: M/M, Nana なな ai yazawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-18 17:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14856971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: *WILL BE UPDATED EVERY TUESDAY AT MOST*{Inspired by Ai Yazawa’s Manga and Anime: Nana}A name was the first thing that connected them…Two almost completely different people, but with similar aspirations.Kash has dreams of making it big with their cultural counterpart, after facing harsh rejections from their mother country.The other Kash is chasing the coattails of a fallen dream they still can’t quite figure out and they're dealing with a torturous past.Both men enter each others world’s and try to better not only themselves as people, but each other as friends, as they struggle with the cruelties of fame and their old lives coming back to haunt them.The question is who will make it out alive?Read on to figure out what makes these two so special once they become roommates in Tokyo, Japan.Experiencing: alcoholism, drug addiction, and a need, and a love for music.Meet the Kash’s.





	1. Epilogue: The Letter That Was Never Sent #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first Kash you meet wrote the first letter. These letters from him will always have normal letters.

_Send to: Shiokusa. Osaka, Japan. Apartment 409._

 

_Hey, Kash…_

_Are you still there?! I miss ya!! I hope you're reading this!!! Please answer me!_

_Anyway, I’m in my new place. In the dark again. Trying to write something that I’ll finally be accepted for._

_I know you think I’m insane for it and you probably hate me now more than you ever did when we would fight, but what else was I supposed to do?_

_I can’t just sit around and rot. I know if I ever did that you’d break my teeth and rip out my throat._

_Ya know, I keep thinking back to when we shared that dingy, old apartment._

_Sharing that gross futon and trying to stop the microwave from exploding. That was a great day honestly._

_And by the way, do you remember the smell??_

_You also thought I was batshit for putting a metal pot in the microwave._

_My lack of self control is a real kicker sometimes, don’t ya think!!  Haha!!_

_You are probably going to read that and either smile and laugh, or rip the letter… But I hope you know… I want you to know that’s your choice._

_Don’t forget you always have a choice. I always felt like that was a hurdle for you. I’ll always stand by you no matter what you choose, okay?  I’m your best friend… and that’s what best friends do for each other._

_Do you remember how we prayed we would both make it to the big time in some form or another?_

_Sometimes when I space out… I hear your voice…_

_It sings and it screams. Begging for someone to finally understand what caused you so much pain throughout your life._

_I think now… Looking back at all the time we spent together… I finally… I finally understand what you were trying to say._

_All you wanted was for someone to become your home, no matter the form, all you wanted was someone to confide in and cherish._

_Now that I think about it, I wonder if I was ever those things for you..._

_Sometimes I lay here and pray that I actually was those two things in the fucked up existence you would always call your life._

_Even though, I always felt mine was the worser out of the two, but I could never bring myself to tell you that._

_I feel you knew already, but I still didn’t want you to worry. I couldn’t subject you to that pain. I never wanted to experience any of it myself._

_I’m still playing by the way… It’s redundant and all, but I felt the need to say it here at some point…_

_I know that probably means nothing to you now, since we each have the scars on our bodies that represent the both of us on each other…_

_But I hope one day, you’ll grab your courage and confront the demon that haunted you every single time you shocked the crowd with your abilities._

_Even though you always said I was the best at that whenever I would shred. And I completely disagree with that by the way._

_I could never do what you did._

_You were authentic, raw, and real. I wanted to drown every crevice of my brain in your beautiful songbird voice._

_I know I kinda sound like a madman, but I can’t help it._

_Everything you did made me want to try harder and I was always enthralled by you._

_You were the stars and I was the moon._

_We were so close, shining beautifully, but we were always eons apart no matter how hard we tried to connect our two souls into one being._

_I know you probably thought that was sorta homo, but I can’t help it._

_This is what I’ve been feeling ever since those first notes left your mouth and crashed the same way as ocean waves against my then deaf ears. I don't know how else to express that feeling, so that’s my best attempt. Please forgive me..._

_I almost forgot… I still poke at the scar from time to time. It’s a relief knowing it was you and not someone else…_

_But at the same time, I still regret my choices. I wonder if you still do as well…_

_I kinda wanna go off topic, sorry… Your favorite cup is with me. You know the one. It’s in my cupboard. I’ve kept it safe, don’t worry._

_I also hope you are taking care of what I have given you._

_I hope it stays with you for the rest of your life. I really hope it does because that piece of me only feels right in your hands._

_I know you will master it and shock the world once again like the king you are._

_Now back on topic..._

_My biggest regret is knowing that we now have to send letters to each other like this,  instead of talking face-to-face since (and I’m sure you figured this next part out,) your voice was the only thing keeping me alive. And now…_

_One of the things that almost caused one of our demises is in my hands…_

_And I’m ready..._

_I’m staring at it…_

_Laughing..._

_And I don't know what to do..._

 

_Yours always…_

_Love you forever,_

_-Kash_


	2. From Seoul To Little Tokyo

Today was the day. 

The day the man nicknamed Kash would finally leave his home and head to Tokyo to try and become a star for real this time.

His family thought he was crazy. Urging him to play music in his place of birth, but he refused. 

Kash felt like it was his life and he needed to go after the one thing he loved most in the world, in his favorite place in the world. 

So he bought a ticket and thanked his ancestors for the first time in his life. For blessing him with being Japanese. 

Kash was always rejected. He was a half-breed as they would call it. 

Being a mix of Korean and Japanese descent made him an outcast in both of his backgrounds. 

The Korean side of the family was always respectful to him. 

They always bowed and greeted him properly.They fed him and allowed him to come over and play with his other relatives. This didn’t seem like a problem to anyone for the time being. 

They also knew he was bilingual and they praised him for it. They would want to hear him speak in Japanese all the time. 

They would always say he was the genius of the family, but he never felt that way about himself. 

He actually knew a third language, English, self-taught, but he never used it in their presence. Not even around his parents. He didn’t want the attention, so he kept his mouth shut. 

The Japanese side of his family was the same way. 

Now this doesn’t sound so bad… But he knew. 

He knew when they would gossip behind his back and talk smack on his parents. He knew. He figured they all did. 

That he was a half-breed. That he didn’t belong. 

The one thing he could never understand was why would his parent’s conceive him in the first place?? 

All he knew was that the Koreans and the Japanese absolutely hated each other. 

His dad was from Korea. He had the family live not too far from where he himself grew up. 

The family was also not too far from a psychiatric hospital, which would freak Kash out as a kid.  

His father was a white collar type of man with a now blue collar job.

He appreciated the finer things in life, but his salary could never obtain those things the second time around. So, he worked overtime whenever he could to provide for his family. 

Kash still remembered the one Christmas where his father cried when his son only received one present from his own family. 

Kash also remembered when his dad lost his first job and they almost lost every penny in their bank account.

His dad stood up all night. He was ready to destroy himself.

Luckily, he saw little Kash in his pajamas, standing in the hallway, and that brought him back to his senses. 

He had a life to supplement. So, he went out and found a new job eventually. 

As for his mother, she was from Takayama, Japan. She grew up in a small, populated area. 

She met Kash’s dad when he was on a business trip, but his flight got delayed for a week so he decided to explore the country. 

He ended up in Takayama and after spending the whole week together, he knew he wanted to marry her and she felt the same way. 

Kash’s parents were lovers as well as mentors. 

They suffered a language barrier for a long time, but they both pushed themselves to become fluent in the others language. 

They achieved this by writing letters to one another and teaching each other about how their language worked whenever his father was away for work. 

Kash’s dad took the longest out of the two since Japanese was more difficult, but he figured it out eventually. 

They tied the knot a year later and she ended up relocating with him. 

Both families hated it, but they still somehow accepted what they liked to call, “The Unholy Union.” 

At that time, his father had money and that pleased his mother's side of the family. 

His mother was beautiful. She was naturally envied and accepted without hesitation. 

She became pregnant a year after that.  

Kash’s mom loved music and she would sing to her baby when the then unknown gender was in her stomach. Feeling the small, somewhat delicate kicks from the underdeveloped feet as her trimesters lengthened. This eventually resulted in stronger responses.

She would always joke with her husband that if the baby didn’t end up with an average job she wanted him or her to be on the stage. 

Her husband always told her she was crazy for thinking that way, even though he once had that exact same dream as a young man. 

His mother always wanted to work, but his dad would never allow it. 

His father enjoyed having his pretty wife stay at home, and he knew she could never resist flattery, so she caved in quickly and became a housewife. 

After Kash came into the world, he was wild and full of energy. His dad could never keep up with him for the first few years of his childhood. 

Kash would yell and scream and try to imitate all the singers his mother adored. This is how he became proficient in his first two languages. 

For some strange reason, he would also mess up saying his name. 

As a toddler, he would always say “Kash,” instead of his Japanese first name. So, the family nicknamed him with his baby mumble. 

His mom also thought he had a beautiful voice from a young age, but Kash’s interest in singing died when he discovered the guitar at sixteen when his parents paid for his summer trips to Japan at that time. 

Kash had a relative on the Japanese side who was trying to write music. 

They would use different instruments and whatnot to try and create a new sound in Japan that was unheard of and that would shock everyone. 

One day, Kash saw the guitar laying in its case and became curious. He walked over to it and picked it up before his relative came back. 

The guitar was a standard one. Six strings, a decent fretboard, and a basic black. Nothing too special in Kash’s opinion. 

Kash plugged the guitar into an amp and found a guitar pick on the floor. He awkwardly placed his fingers on it and attempted to strum whatever sounds he could imagine from his brain.  

In all honesty, he thought it sounded like complete dog shit, but he was so immersed in playing that he didn’t realize his relative was watching him. 

He unstrapped the guitar, apologized, and was preparing to leave, when he was stopped and told, “Keep playing. I want to hear more.” 

This was the birth of his first band. 

They managed to play some gigs once a lineup was constructed and Kash loved every moment of it. He always said he felt free.

He liked living like a rockstar. He had fangirls and a lot of guys trying to imitate him, but no one could play the way he did. 

He was combining Japan’s Visual Kei and standard rock sound, with a bit of Enka, and a bit of slowed down Korean rock. 

The whole band thought he was crazy at first when he pitched the idea, but when they heard him play they knew Kash had struck gold.

The first unfortunate thing in his early years, was Kash was always overtaken by immense stage fright. 

He was always second to last to hit the stage every time because he needed to calm his nerves since he was also the youngest of the group. 

He would calm himself down before a show by humming to himself and playing with his hair. He would tell people it always reminded him of his mother. 

He would sometimes feel his hands shake against his guitar while he played and he always prayed he wouldn’t mess up. 

Some people offered him drugs to calm him down, but he always refused. He knew if he was ever addicted to that stuff he’d never be able to play again.

The only thing he enjoyed from Japan’s party scene was drinking. 

When the older members snuck him alcohol, he drank a lot. 

Kash always forced himself to not go overboard however. He couldn’t risk getting drunk and lost in his mother’s homeland at that tender age. 

The second devastating, unfortunate thing about Kash's youth was getting signed somewhere.

When word broke out that Kash was two different nationalities, (because the labels always wanted to know since the youngest had interesting facial features and they couldn't detect that he was changing his voice yet,) the demos from the band weren’t even accepted despite Kash’s unique playing style, which he could tell they loved. 

He considered lying, but he couldn't bring himself to tear away from his roots. Kash told himself, without them, he wouldn't be able to do what he did. 

This made him want to rip his heart out every now and then.  

The band also had to always discontinue whenever Kash had to return home for school.   

When he told his parent’s the news, his mother was overjoyed, but his father hated the idea. 

He told Kash that he needed a practical path for his life and not some silly pipe dream with no plan. 

This caused a heated argument between the two. Almost resulting in the destruction of Kash's guitar. 

Luckily, Kash agreed to not drop out of school, making that priority number one, and then he would focus on his music. His father liked that. 

Kash was allowed to return to Japan every summer after that. 

By the time his eighteenth birthday came around, he received a wonderful gift. 

His mother “bought,” him a brand new guitar. 

It was black, like his first one, but there were white splatter marks that resembled paint embedded across it. 

The fret board was a black metallic kind. It was shiny and smooth, cold to the touch. 

The board had his first name etched into it in his mother’s native tongue. His last name was written the same as his father’s. The words were white. Kash could tell the person used a blowtorch to do the writing. 

He almost cried when he held it in his hands for the first time. 

He remembered hugging his mother and promising her he’d become a success no matter what it took. All his dad said was not to mess it up. 

He played his new toy till’ he felt as if his fingers were about to bleed. 

He would come up with thousands and millions of different riffs and solos until he found himself repeating old material. When that happened he would stop and force his brain to calm down. 

Kash told his relative about the guitar when he was coerced into spending almost a whole year in the place he loved by that relative. 

He was disheartened when he learned the band had broken up because of some dating drama that happened before he could come back. 

Later on, he discovered it was all because they were tired of waiting for him to return every summer and because they weren't able to be signed because of his “foreign,” background.

Kash cut yet another Japanese family member out of his life that year. 

So, the band never reunited and Kash felt empty inside for almost that whole year for the first time in the country he adored. 

He played to distract himself. He would play on the street. He would play in any motel he could afford. He would play on the terminals. He didn’t care as long as music was pouring through his body. 

Eventually, he started to learn English to pass the time. He learned it the only way he knew how. 

He went online and found American bands and imitated how they would talk.

After he got that down, even multiple accents, he searched up dictionaries and taught himself literally everything in one year. 

He was happy he had a grand brain capacity and a love for knowledge. He silently thanked his mother and father for that one.     

When he arrived home that year, his dad started to press him about college. 

He was already off for almost a year (unintentionally,) and his dad wanted a back up plan as soon as possible for his head in the clouds son. 

So, Kash did some research and looked into schools and he went for a music program. He argued it was all he knew how to do. 

Both his parent’s accepted it as long as he could graduate. 

By twenty-two, he had a degree. A Bachelor of Fine Arts. 

He was shocked his whole family was able to attend his graduation in a peaceful manner.

Kash was top of his class that year to boot. 

He felt like everyone, (except his parents,) were acting excited for him. But at that point… He could have cared less honestly. 

After that chapter of his life closed, he turned twenty-three. 

Kash was still prioritizing music. He was playing every chance he could. 

He even switched up his style with some bands he played with to appease his Korean counterparts, since he was stuck in Korea that summer, due to not having enough money for a plane ticket from drinking too much, and he knew his dad wasn’t going to budge this time. 

The Korean’s rejected him and his bands like always since many of the locals knew Kash was a half-breed. 

He was more than willing to drop one of his names at that point. 

He hated it, but he learned to cope the way. he always did. 

He had a second job as a waiter, but he hated the feeling of being tied down. 

Even though he had been working there ever since he turned nineteen when he returned home that one summer, he knew he couldn’t quit. He needed any money he could salvage. So he sucked it up the same as always and prayed success would come. 

Luckily for him, Kash’s’ dream wasn’t so dreamy anymore. 

Six months before turning twenty-four, Kash was counting up the stash of money he had earned from being a waiter and from all of his gigs. 

He was satisfied to find out he had enough money.

Enough money to leave his fake home and head toward his true home as he liked to call it. 

His home called Japan. 

A week later he broke the news to his parents that he was going to leave.

His mother cried and his father tried to convince his son to try and break out in the music scene locally for the second time. 

Despite his parents pleas, Kash stuck to his guns and told them he needed to do it.

They weren’t having it. This is when the house became a giant, one man therapy session for and by their son.  

Kash cried, begging on his hands and knees. Finally expressing to them that his heritage was destroying his chances in Korea almost as much as Japan was for the past seven years ever since he decided to pick up a guitar and play. 

They listened when he explained that in Japan, he didn't get booed off the stage the way he did at home, despite people knowing he was a half-breed. 

He told them how multiple band demos were rejected in both countries, no matter how hard he tried to woo them with his skill arsenal. This was all because he was two nationalities and he refused to lie about it.

Kash told them how his summer in Korea was awful and how he actually contemplated on dropping one of his birth names at the time that year.  

He was crying even more when he said his mother’s place of birth found it in their hearts to still accept him fan wise. 

He explained how he just needed a chance. 

Kash knew if he had an outstanding Japanese band with him he could do it.  

If he was going to make it, it had to be done in Japan. 

All of his favorite bands were formed there. 

He had to remind his parent’s that he knew the language, so he knew he could survive. 

They finally allowed it when he promised to write whenever he could and send postcards by his mother’s request. 

The week came for him to leave. 

Hours before he was scheduled to go, he decided to give himself an image change. 

He went in the bathroom and changed his natural brown hair to black.

He took out some drug store makeup and put on some heavy eyeliner. It looked like he got into a fight, but he thought it looked edgy.

Kash bought himself some piercings and stuck two of them on his lips that he liked. 

One was a normal black one and the other was an ear to lip one of the same color.

He had black combat boots on with a black hooded type of veil placed over his head that almost could pass for a hoodie except it was thin and a bit tight. 

His jeans were normal black ones.   

He loved it. He really did. He felt ready now. 

When his parent’s seen him they almost had heart attacks because of their son’s face and because of the weird shroud on his head. He assured them it was so he could fit in. 

They didn't understand that since he played there all the time. 

He had to explain that for a big label he needed to have a look and that this would be his.  

They didn’t really approve of the idea, but they let it slide for his sake. 

Kash made his way to the train station, his luggage and guitar in tow, and didn’t care if he was getting strange looks from people. He figured when he was a star that would change. 

When Kash arrived at the booth to receive his ticket, the woman working was mortified. She had to have someone else assist him.    

“Where are you headed?” A man asked. 

“Japan.” Kash said proudly. 

“Your name, sir?” The man was avoiding Kash’s eyes as best he could. 

Kash smiled sweetly, even though it wasn’t helping him at all, but he was oblivious. 

He deepened his voice on purpose when his true name left his lips. He did so, because the different tenses in his name rarely ever showed when he spoke this way. He also lowered his face, staring at his feet.

“Akasha. Hyun Akasha.” 

Akasha was practically thrown his ticket and sat down in whatever vacant seat he could find. He put his head back and exhaled. 

He really couldn’t believe it was happening, but he didn't feel electric currents or anything of the sort the way he used to. 

Akasha knew he should be beyond excited, but he felt like all his trips there sort of stripped that away from him. 

He brushed the thought off, threw his head back, and was preparing to nap. 

The conductor announced they’d be leaving shortly and Akasha felt his feet shake. His nerves were kicking in. 

He did his best to avoid them, but there was no stopping it. 

Akasha rushed to the train’s bathroom to hum and whatnot, but he bumped into someone on the way there. 

“Sorry!!” Akasha bowed and rushed for the restroom. 

He didn’t even look at who he bumped into because he didn't want to freak them out and because he was also freaking out himself. 

Once his tremors subsided, he returned to his seat and sighed loudly as the train began to move. 

_ If I don’t make it… I’ve failed at life.  _


	3. Epilogue: The Letter That Was Never Sent #2

**_Send to: Gangnam. Seoul, South Korea. Address 904._ **

 

**_Hey Kash,_ **

**_I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, but I finally got around to writing you.I hope you’re doing well._ **

**_I’m trying to reinvent my voice. I’m coming up with all these new tones and pitches that I know you would love if you were here to hear it._ **

**_I’m singing with the lights on. The way you always hated._ **

**_I know you're probably wondering why I haven’t gotten any of your letters, but I left the apartment a while ago._ **

**_I was going to sell it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it._ **

**_Every time a new buyer wanted it, I told our landlord to turn them down. That I was keeping the place. There were way too many memories in that place we called home. The memories that reminded me of you._ **

**_Remember the old futon we shared for a while since you forgot to buy a bed for yourself at that time? That was tough. Especially when you’d air guitar in your sleep. My back still feels your phantom feet every now and then._ **

**_I still remember the way you’d sleep. How you needed the room to be pitch-black or else you couldn’t close your eyes._ **

**_How you’d get angry if someone took your food from the fridge and you would threaten to go on a killing spree to know who ate it._ **

**_The way you’d stay up like some crazy scientist in order to perfect you’re playing and invent new sounds._ **

**_I’ve always admired your work ethic. I feel as if you always worked harder than me all the time. I still don’t know what motivated you, but I’m glad it did. Thank God._ **

**_I still remember when I pranked you in the tub by scaring you and you had half your head already under the water, and you almost drowned yourself in the clawfoot bathtub._ **

**_I thought it was funny because who puts their head that low when taking a bath?? You sure are strange.I literally thought you were going to die that night, but like always, you proved me wrong._ **

**_Anyway… I’m not working with another band at the moment. They just don’t peak my interest since what happened while you were still living out here._ **

**_Just so you know, I don’t hate you for what happened. I could never hate you._ **

**_My scar still sits on my body. The one scar connecting me and you._ **

**_I poke it every now and then to remind myself that you are out there in this big world existing right at this very moment._ **

**_I regret a lot of things that have happened._ **

**_My biggest regret tortures me though. I feel like ripping my throat out a lot because of it…_ **

**_I really hope you don’t hate yourself because of how we obtained our scars._ **

**_Also, I just wanted to tell you that the way you played was the most magnificent thing that touched my heart._ **

**_You elevated my singing so much, it was a miracle._ **

**_I never knew someone could take four music styles and fuse them the way you did._ **

**_I know you always hated this, but you truly are a genius, Kash. You really are._ **

**_Your playing taught me to go on living my life when I felt like I couldn’t. It kept me alive. Thank you for that._ **

**_I’m so happy you decided to live in Japan and become my roommate. I’m blessed for that opportunity to meet and share my life with you._ **

**_I hope you’re playing isn’t as angry anymore. I really wish that all the rejection and spite you feel leaves your body one day._ **

**_By the way, I knew. I always did._ **

**_Anyway, I want you to be happy. A best friend always wants their best friend to be happy. I hope you find that someday soon._ **

**_Kinda off topic, but… I have what you’ve given me. It’s locked away in my closet. I don’t let anyone near it. I value it as a keepsake. I plan on cherishing it even after death consumes me by the jaws while I’m kicking and screaming. I’ve been trying to use it the way you did, but I’m no match for this thing._ **

**_It belongs in your hands, Kash. The hands that were given to you by God. You’re it’s rightful owner after all._ **

**_By the way… Have you seen my favorite cup? I can’t find it anywhere!!_ **

**_I’m starting to believe you stole it, but if you have it, I guess that’s understandable since you have given me your most important and prized possession._ **

**_I hope you are keeping my cup safe the way I am your favorite item._ **

**_I also honestly wish you didn’t try to appease those people. Your better than that, Kash. You have a gift. You need to use that  gift.  
    I also hope you’re not being lazy. Ya know... I’d break a bone or two if you are doing that right now. _ **

**_By the way, our apartment still has my name claimed to it, so I’ve been paying for that on top of my other bills as well._ **

**_I kept it not only for the memories, but I want you to have a place to return to._ **

**_I want you to have somewhere where you can lay your head, discuss your problems, vent out your frustrations, and also shred for hours._ **

**_Don’t send your letters to the old apartment by the way. I told Ryuzaki to send you the new address, but I’m not too sure if he did…_ **

**_Anyway, I’m sitting at my coffee table trying to come up with lyrics, but it’s no fun without you._ **

**_It's 6:19 a.m. over here in my time._ **

**_To the right of me is my pen and to the left of me is one of the things that almost destroyed us._ **

**_I’m staring at it…_ **

**_I’m slightly happy, but I feel tears hitting my face…_ **

**_I’m scared…_ **

**_I’m scared Kash…_ **

**_I hope this reaches you in time…_ **

**_I really think this is going to be my final letter…_ **

 

**_Yours always..._ **

**_Love you forever,_ **

**_-Kash_ **


End file.
